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So he stayed ‘married’ to me until I [could support myself]….That’s a long time to be legally married to someone that has clearly moved on (he moved in with his girlfriend after about a year).Then: Dan, you don’t want to date the married, so don’t. Half the men who re-nup do so in about three years—leaving little time to bound at all once you factor in time to meet, court, and commit.
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I needed to be there 100% for the kids and myself, and new romantic partners, whether they know it or not, are just as needy as a new pet.
You have to have the time and energy (and inclination) to work at a relationship. If you were madly in love, knew his circumstances better and felt good about them, the divorce was definitely finalizing soon, and somehow you’d found ways to mitigate the Stress, then I might advise you differently.
Well, this relationship flourished and we started dating exclusively. I felt that if I told him that truth he would be angry at me for not telling him sooner and not trust me….” Aaaand then, there are the folks who use separation as a testing ground for the supposedly-deceased marriage.
Consciously or not, these people are using you as a jealousy-inducer—a way to renew their marriage bonds and reinvigorate their spouse’s affections by showcasing how desirable they are to others: “….
Dear Duana, I’ve gotten involved with three women I met online in the last year, only to find they were all still married. It makes a lot of sense when you see it from their side.* People need love, or at least some contact.